Loving your Anger
Anger is a gift we must learn to unwrap. Anger is a powerful emotion, often misunderstood and even feared. But beneath its fiery surface lies an invitation to greater self-awareness and healing. By learning to work with anger consciously, we can uncover the emotions and pain it guards, paving the way for deeper understanding and transformation.
Anger is a “cover emotion,” a protective layer that shields us from more vulnerable feelings such as hurt, sadness, or fear. It acts as a bodyguard, masking the pain we carry beneath its surface. This masking effect can make it difficult to address the true source of our discomfort.
“Angry is just sad's bodyguard” ~ Liza Palmer
Anger is a fantastically data rich emotion in the body, it tells us a lot about what is going on. When anger arises, it is important to pause and ask: What is this anger protecting? Often, underneath the heat of anger lies emotional pain waiting to be acknowledged and healed.
In Chinese medicine, anger is seen as a “hot” energy that, when held in the body for too long, can create imbalance and physical stress. The idiom “venting your spleen” speaks to the need to release this built-up energy to restore balance. Unexpressed anger can manifest as health issues such as heart disease, cancer, stroke, gastrointestinal problems, and more.
Releasing anger in a healthy way is crucial for both physical and emotional well-being. It allows us to create space for deeper emotions to surface and be processed.
For many people, anger becomes a long-term coping mechanism. Leaders and high achievers, in particular, often carry unresolved anger for years, finding ways to manage it but rarely addressing its root causes. This can create a cycle where anger is redirected outward, impacting relationships and decision-making.
At some point, we must ask: Is there a healthier, more conscious way to navigate this? By exploring the underlying emotions and patterns, we open ourselves to growth and transformation.
A Conscious Approach to Anger
Acknowledge the Emotion: Recognise that anger is valid and has a purpose. Use a "Power Pause" to explore what lies beneath it:
Ask yourself: Am I experiencing fear? Am I hurting? Am I sad?
Feel into each question. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to regulate and find your centre before responding to the situation. Instead of suppressing or denying it, allow yourself to feel it fully.
Identify the Source: Ask reflective questions to uncover the deeper emotions beneath the anger. Use tools like the emotions wheel to explore whether you’re feeling vulnerable, hurt, or afraid.
Express Anger Healthily:
Journaling: Write down your feelings without judgment.
Physical Release: Engage in activities like exercise, breathwork, or vocal expression to move the energy out of your body.
Creative Outlets: Channel your anger into art, music, or movement.
Address the Root Cause: Once the surface anger has been released, explore the underlying pain. This might involve working with a coach, therapist, or healer to process unresolved emotions.
Cultivate Compassion: Learn to love your anger and yourself through it. Anger is not your enemy; it’s a guide that highlights where healing is needed.
Think of anger as the tip of an iceberg. Beneath the surface lies a complex web of emotions and experiences that need attention. When we consciously explore the layers beneath the anger, the entire iceberg begins to melt, and we free ourselves from its weight.
Unprocessed anger doesn’t just affect emotions; it impacts physical health as well. Chronic anger increases stress levels, contributing to conditions like heart disease, stroke, and even cancer. By addressing anger in a healthy way, we not only improve our emotional well-being but also protect our long-term health.
Anger is a powerful emotion that, when embraced consciously, can lead to profound growth and healing. Society often conditions us to see anger as "bad" or "wrong," but this judgment only reinforces resistance and keeps us stuck. When we can release these judgments and see anger for what it truly is—a natural and valid response—we move toward neutrality. In this space of acceptance, we create the opportunity to truly love our anger.
Loving your anger means recognising its full range and accepting its presence without judgment. It is not about indulging in anger but about allowing it to exist, to flow, and to teach. From this place of neutrality and love, the energy of anger clears, and we can access the deeper emotions and wisdom beneath it.
By learning to love your anger, you open yourself to greater freedom, clarity, and balance. By understanding its role as the bodyguard of pain, we can work with it to uncover the deeper emotions it shields. This process invites us to step into greater awareness, compassion, and balance.
The next time anger arises, pause and ask: What is this anger here to teach me? By doing so, you begin the journey of turning anger into a tool for transformation.
